Slept In

I typically wake up at 6am. Today I woke up at 10:30am. I planned on sleeping in, sure, but not really feeling great about it like I thought. I woke up feeling like, hey, sleeping means I don't have to eat or think, so I don't have to cook or think, which means I can't get tired or spiral out of control into a train of thought due for a wreck. CHOO-CHOO! Haha, see what- I did there- never mind.

Maybe I just need to practice controlling my thoughts more. I mean, it's why I write to be completely honest. If I'm thinking about writing I can't think about bad things. I can, but they get written down and not stuck in my head. It probably sounds really weird to others when I say that the thoughts aren't even mine. It is like I have a thought, and it opens the window, and a bunch of foreign thoughts come flying in. Thoughts like "You're so useless and a waste of space", "Just die already", "If you disappeared people would live better lives." Ah, I know those are wrong. I just can't help it.

Right now I'm wondering if I should even be posting this, but that's what I am doing this for. If I open up and let people know what life is like with depression then others can hve an easier time being understood right? That's the goal anyway. Yeah, this is a good thing isn't it?

Ah, well, here it is guys. My mind is so scattered right now. I'm hungry and probably won't eat. I'm not sad or upset. I'm just..... nothing right now. I'm empty.